I guess I finally got writers’ block because I have no idea on what I should write or what I should read. So I will be on vacation, for the past two months nothing has came out of brain so Ill be letting it rest till I finally get some brain juice flowing.
You fell now, your body is splattered on the floor.
You jumped a second too early, now you’re clinging onto the edge with your fingertips;you fell again.
You thought you had it this time and you did. You finally made it now what do you do?
There’s another ledge in front of you. You’re about to start your run then pause to think.
Why am I jumping? There’s just going to be more and more ledges with no end in sight.
You know this ledge has a pretty nice view, you know I’m just going to relax here for a bit.
These ledges aren’t going anywhere. So you stay for who knows how long till you actually decide to jump.
And then you fall, dead on the floor you think to yourself, I been jumping all these years why haven’t I got the timing down.
This time it takes you several more tries than usual for you to get to the next ledge.
With still no end in sight you say, that was my final jump now it’s time to come down.
The people on the ground, say we seen you fall so many times how were you able to keep on jumping to the highest anyone has ever been.
It’s all about the timing.
But you fell like a bazillion times.
You know some people have better timing than others, eventually everyone is going to fall so I’m not worried bout how many times I fall.
Is there any advice you want to give to the people you inspire to reach the top?
Well I been jumping all my life, it just came natural to me. One thing I would say is that you have to love falling as much as you do jumping.
Toxic is what they say I am.
How can they say such thing when I’m here?
I know right. Can’t they see, the progress I have been making.
This time last year I was straight up lying about every single thing I was doing. Now that I am finally living a honest to sober life.
They’re putting up this barricade now at all of times. I felt that for once, I was in control of my impulsiveness and took more than a sip. Then boom, they put me away like some Thanksgiving leftovers.
I want to plead my case but that won’t help with them as the judge.
I hear that.
I hear you.
Okay, so what were you saying?
What you mean? I just told you.
No you didn’t.
Bruh, I’m not repeating myself again.
Come on, I’m sorry I couldn’t hear you. One more time please.
YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME.
Sigh. I swear it’s like I’m talking to a brick wall.
I’M A BRICK WALL?! YOU’RE A BRICK WALL!
Clean your ears maybe you could hear me!
A conversation I know all to well.
Fingers that used to hold me when I was a baby.
Fingers that I played with and felt mama’s warmth.
Fingers that would hold my hand on my way to preschool.
Fingers that used to sew buttons into my shirts.
Fingers that used to make me all the pancakes in the world.
Fingers that told me everything was going to be fine.
Fingers that was always giving hi-fives.
Fingers that never got to do it all; they never played piano or painted a picture; if they did Beethoven and Picasso would be shaking in their graves.
Mama’s fingers are gone now. Turned into stone by the hands of god.
Why couldn’t it take my hand?
I didn’t want her to twitch for the rest of her life and now she won’t. How stupid of me to have wished that.
Mami, I never believed those fingers would ever stopped being yours.
I wish I was there to feel them one more time before.
Mums, I’m sorry I didn’t get grab your hand sooner so this would have never happened.
Of course there is no what ifs anymore, this is the present now.
I see your fingers and all I see is the past.
I love you mums please be better than okay.
All I care about is making you laugh and keeping you safe.
We’re going to walk around the world and I promise you that.
Really aren’t short.
The fastest way to get somewhere is a straight line.
Sometimes getting somewhere, you need to go around because it is the only path.
It’s the only path not because people decided on it.
It’s the only path because through trial and error, that path will take you home.
Our oceans are “safe” because ships don’t take shortcuts. When they do, oil spills and titanics happen.
Making it home safe, is much better for society then coming home sooner.
Short-cut don’t ever workout anywhere expect when you’re walking and even that’s not a guarantee.
I never had to deal with drastic changes.
I never went through any traumatic experiences
I haven’t gone through grueling obstacles.
My life has been free of reasons to complain about.
And here I am playing the violin for living the life as the sheep I used to chase.
The costume is tight, sweaty and worse of all it’s so itchy.
Terrible for my eczema.
It kills me how the others, can just be okay with living this life.
I was going to go on a rant and complain to my best friend.
Then I thought, you know what problems, do I really have.
I only have to do this for a little while longer.
Those guys are stuck like that.