Stop telling me that you are proud of me. I haven’t done anything yet. You are making me feel better than I should. You wouldn’t say the same thing if your dog barked. It’s innate for them. You shower it with praise, when they accomplish something worthy of praising. Why does your standards change, when it comes to me? I am filled with an undeserved ego, an inflated sense of self-worth and worst of all, an optimistic belief that it will work out for me.
I’m screaming furiously at the world, my body cannot hold my sorrows within me any longer. I want to brutally attack the reflection in the mirror and beat him till his teeth are lodged into my knuckles. I hold, I hold and hold, this is evil that can’t be quelled by a simple discussion. Festering within my eyes, using them becomes a chore. The smiles of children, do not exist in my world and the joy in someone’s face is theoretical, as I have not seen it’s existence. Staring out to the world, I see my reflection hating me.
Out in the world, I see individuals without humanity. I see, my mother as no one but the female who gave birth to me. I see, my father, as a man who I co-exist with. I cannot stand them anymore. I want nothing to do with them.
I want praise. I want complements. I want support. I want all of those words. Not from friends. Not from my love. Not from me. I want all those words from them. I hear it all the time. I know, that it can be said. No other words can make you feel so gratified. It’s the premier words of this world. I can understand, why you wouldn’t say it so lightly.
And yet, another reason for you to never say those words to me, because I haven’t done anything. Why would you say ‘I’m proud of you’? Those words will forever elude me. Would those words solve my problems? Would I care about those words?
Those words, that I want to hear from you.
Do you even know those words?