It became a goal, when one day I made the declaration, that this person will be my wife and the future mother to my children.
It came to life, when one day I took the chance of rejection and asked for your number.
From there, it was a slow and steady race. I tried talking to you but you weren’t receptive. I thought maybe you weren’t that into me, so I eased off. Then you asked “if I could give you a ride”. I said, “sure”. I didn’t want to seem excited so I kept it nonchalant, the best I could. You liked my hat and I liked you. When, I dropped you off, I thought that would be the last time I’ll ever see you and then you asked me for a hug.
We talked more and more. I left to Georgia for an adventure. We talked the entire time, I was there. Day before New Years. I had to get back to see you. I got on a plane and made it back. We were in the car and I didn’t want to scare you away. The pressure from our love was intense and then we shared our first kiss on New Years Day.
This was the start of our story. Five years later and this is the end of our story.
With every word I write after this sentence, a tear falls. I only wanted you. I only care for you. You ended it, like how I ended it with everyone else in my life. This is my karma. I deserve this. There is no more promises to make, except to my future love. I will never repeat the same mistakes. I won’t ever fall into the toxic self destructive cycle ever again. I am done with all of the meaningless things in the world. I start the journey of living this life without you. Constant breakdowns. Constant false hope. Constant craziness. An underlying sadness. A future without you.
I deserve love and if you don’t want to love me anymore. I accept it. I don’t know if I’ll ever want to see you again. This story is over.
My true feelings will say that he is waiting for a sequel to come out. My heart will say that he is done being hurt and that I have to accept this is the end. My mind will say that this is not the end, we both know it’s not. The universe is saying we are not together. I say, “I won’t hold my breath”.
You deserve the best. I don’t care anymore. Your happiness and sadness are no longer my concern. Your well-being, your life is not my business. I wish that you get everything that you ever wanted. I do not care anymore. I failed, this is all my fault. I cannot fix this situation. I cannot change the outcome.
I can only focus on the actions. The results are this.
You are a stranger now.
And I don’t give strangers hugs.